Living With an Unforgiving Spouse? Here are 7 Ways to Deal with an Unforgiving Partner

Coping with a spouse who recalls every wrongdoing can be utterly frustrating; especially when one partner has asked for forgiveness over and over again and the significant other doesn't budge. Here are ways to deal with an unforgiving spouse. 

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1. Take a positive approach

 

The key to knowing how to deal with an unforgiving spouse is to avoid hostility or violence of any kind when such situations arise. Fighting or freaking out is never the answer. Hot tempers will only bring about verbal or maybe even physical attacks and it’s not worth the stress. The important thing is to keep cool and remain level -headed, so that you would be able to reason calmly and reasonably. Learning how to deal with an unforgiving spouse can be challenging. However, keep in mind that learning how to handle the situation can guarantee a happy and successful relationship.

 

2. Avoid the silent treatment

 

Even though your spouse may seem unforgiving at this time, avoid meting out the silent treatment. The silent treatment is usually an indicator that a husband or wife has a rap sheet of their spouses’ past offences. In fact, their mate’s behaviour has so infuriated them, they have no words left. You could interrogate them for hours under a glaring spotlight in a dingy, smoke-filled room – they’re not talking. The solution to this is to constantly communicate with your spouse and get him or her to open up more. That way, you would able to find out where you have erred.

 

3. Change your attitude and behaviour

 

Do you wonder why you’re not being forgiven? Apologies can lose their effect, after about the tenth or twentieth time. Your partner may be withholding forgiveness because he or she does not trust what you’re saying. Be nice and polite. If you want someone’s forgiveness and you truly acknowledge your mistake, be nice. There’s no need to shout or insult your partner. Two wrongs don’t make a right. Forgiveness, like trust can’t be demanded but can be earned.That’s why apologies need to be followed by an attitude or behavioural change. It is advisable that you stop any offensive behaviour that you may have and turn a new leaf. Doing so, your significant other might just forgive you for your wrongdoings.

 

4. Be patient

 

According to www.monitor.co.ug,when you’re trying to mend fences and your partner is stonewalling, the natural, human reaction is to get mad and resentful. You need patience to continue being nice when you’re getting little or no reinforcement.

 

5. Persistence works

 

You do need to persist in your attempts to demonstrate love, concern, and the desire to improve the relationship. This can be done by giving your spouse reassuring hugs, persistent nonsexual touch, and affirming words of encouragement—even if your partner is not as receptive as you’d like.

 

6. Try dialogue

 

When dealing with an unforgiving spouse and you seem to have tried all available options, try dialogue as means of settling your differences.  Sometimes, you may be in the dark and may not realise that you have wronged your partner in some ways. When you begin to notice unforgiving tendencies, it is advisable to sit him or her down and find out why things seem to be going wrong. Take your partner through your humble beginning in marriage and how he or she promised to always be open with you, no matter what. You just might be able to find out the reason for your partner’s unforgiving spirit and mend fences.

 

7. Counselling helps

 

Another way to handle an unforgiving spouse is to visit a counsellor who would be able to help you proffer other practicable solutions to the problem. Try and visit one with your spouse as a last resort. Open up to a neutral person who would be able to say soothing words to your partner in a bid to find out what the problem is. Avoid lodging a complaint to your family and friends and strive to resolve issues through a neutral party.

 

Source: Punch